søndag 9. september 2012

Living Within The Illusion ~ What Are Your Memories Re-Creating?

Lisa behandler her situasjoner de fleste av både mødre og, også fedre, har levd igjennom - og kanskje ikke forstått så mye av på daværende tidspunkt.  Men hva vet jeg?  Å operere på det nivået Lisa tar oss med her, krever en dyptgående og villet innsats fra betrakteren.

"Before I get onto the sharing that has been on my heart to share since the first day I woke up in my sons world (Ok this is only day two, but still!)  I have got to share a smile with you first.  My 2-year-old grandson has completely renamed Putt Putt Golf to Hockey Hole! He has been talking about Hockey Hole since I arrived and yesterday we went and played Putt Putt, his whole body lit up as we pulled in and he started shouting “Hockey Hole, Hockey Hole.”   Ya know, I just love being a Grandma!

Maybe it is the fact that I had just written about the various brain sections and spent an entire morning reading about all the functions of the brain that this sharing became more real than not.  It seems, as I started waking up to start my day yesterday morning, an entire story of non-reality started to make itself very clear to me on so many levels.  But let me start further back than yesterday.

One of the first tricks of learning meditation, beyond stilling the crazy mind chatter, was learning how deep to go into meditation.  For the longest time, I would be going into meditation for two full hours and coming back with barely a fleeting memory of where I went and what I experienced.  Of course, back then, I had no clue we could regulate or even want to regulate the depth of meditation as we embarked on self discovery.  My then ten-year old was about to teach me that I really did need to control my depth and quickly learned that I could.

In 2001 I was spending at least 2 hours at a time and up to five times a day in meditation each and every day.  I had one bathroom, a 10-year-old and 17-year-old living with me and my meditation place is the bathtub.  I would forewarn my children that I was about to take a bath and this was the last call for potty use until I came out.  This one day, even tho my daughter had already emptied her bladder before I started my journey, her bladder was about to teach me a lesson I would never forget.

I was well over an hour into la la land within my bath when all of a sudden this loud pounding that filled the sound waves slammed my far off consciousness back into a body I did not recognize on the shocking return.  I sat in a very cold tub of water, listening to a girl yelling “mommy I gotta go to the bathroom.”  I had no clue who she was, who I was, where I was, why I was in a tub of cold water.  Even as I sat up in my tub, I was so utterly disoriented for minutes, I wasn’t even sure how to use the voice box that came with the aspect of me shivering in the bath.

For two or three minutes straight, I had no orientation with the world around me or that crazy girl yelling from the other side of the door.  Once I finally got myself together, literally, it started to dawn on me…. ohhh yeah, bathroom, daughter, meditation… weird.  I never ever went that deep again, nor did I ever forget the experience of that traumatic event within me.

Yesterday morning as I woke up in my sons home for the first time since April, I was not awake yet, but felt some disoriented part of my own consciousness slipping into the body on the couch.  I was not seeing anything, but instead, orienting myself with a network of “memory cells” to re-orient my consciousness into the field of matter I was about to wake up within.  I was able to witness this whole process first hand.

I was above my body energetically and consciousness.  I was slipping into (what I call) the external field of created life of myself.  I had a really hard time orienting myself to me.  Even tho I was sleeping on the couch, the energy around the couch was not familiar at all.  I was not in my familiar direction that I wake up in every morning, the space around me was completely off (his couch is located on the other side of the room than mine is.)  Even as I slipped into the body of me, I was confused as to where I was.  Beyond not initially recognizing anything with my eyes open, it was really about not being able to call on my own memory cells of orientation of where I was.

Since I was last here for my sons custody battle in April, he has purchased a new couch and also a new table and chairs for his son.  There was no familiar energy field as I woke up, that oriented me to an experience from the past (old couch I slept on.)  Waking up this morning was similar, but not as long or unfamiliar.  I have now created memories of energy within my external field of experience."  forts.

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